Editing Exercise

Sentences that are highlighted like so are the original. Sentences in red like so are the edited versions.
It was the hurricane I seen on TV and, I automatically knew I wanted to help.
It was the hurricane I saw on TV and I automatically knew I wanted to help.
I was never so scared in my life. everything went silent, then i started dropping. 
I was never so scared in my life. Everything went silent, then I started falling.
The only thing I disliked about this review is she went it to great detail about the movie. 
The only thing I disliked about this review is that she went into great detail about the movie.
We grabbed the ball off the face off and went down to their side of the quart , I was just outside the 3 point line when I looked up at the score clock and seen there was one second left I took the shot.
We grabbed the ball off the face off, and went down to their side of the court.  I was just outside the 3 point line when I looked up at the score clock and saw there was one second left, I took the shot.
As I cooked my bacon and fried my eggs I knew I was going to have an excellent day.
As I cooked my bacon and fried my eggs, I knew I was going to have an excellent day.
The most valuable player of the team is Josh, he wants to be just like Michael Jordan and all the other popular basketball players. 
The most valuable player of the team is Josh. He wants to be just like Michael Jordan and all the other popular basketball players.
I looked and seen Ty and Mark waving.
I looked and saw Ty and Mark waving.
The monster let's out a deafening thunder of a roar, hissing and snapping at my Shane.
            The monster let out a deafening thunder of a roar, hissing and snapping at my Shane.
Tick...Tick...Tick, its all coming back.
Tick, tick, tick, it is all coming back.
the year was 1964, I was just a young boy going to the new train station going to work for my uncle.
The year was 1964, I was just a young boy going to the new train station going to work for my uncle.
They should not have been more than half an hour and by the time seven o’clock hit, we knew something was terribly wrong.
They shouldn't have been more than half an hour. By the time seven o'clock hit, we knew something was terribly wrong.
The only thing we had to eat was the rotten leftovers of my riders supper from the night before.  
The only thing we had left to eat was the rotten leftovers of my riders supper from the night before.
I heard a crash in the woods the brush was rustling and the trees cracking.
I heard a crash in the woods, the brush was rustling and the trees were cracking.
...and yet it has already set out on it’s long journey, in search of where he belongs in this world.
... and yet it has already set out on it's long journey. In search of where he belongs in this world.
Soon I meet up with the only person who’s time I enjoy, my dearest friend Rory, her hair is so short you can barely run your hands through it, but it suits her.
Soon I meet up with the only person who's time I enjoy, my dearest friend Rory. Her hair is so short you can barely run your hands through it, but it suits her.
 I often travel, I run a blog about visiting un-mapped places. 
 I often travel. I run a blog about visiting un-mapped places.
As we put our winter clothing on to head out. I can almost smell the turkey dinner waiting on the dining room table. 
As we put our winter clothing on to head out. I could almost smell the turkey dinner waiting on the dinning room table.
 I usually don’t agree to go into town because of the fact of how the people.
 I usually don't agree to go into town because of the fact of how the people act.

Finding Forrester Review

Finding Forrester is a heart felt movie produced by Columbia Productions and directed by Gus Van Sant.  It was released on December 19th 2000.  The main characters are Jamal Wallace (Rob Brown), William Forrester (Sean Connery), Professor Robert Crawford (F.  Murray Abraham), and Claire Spence (Anna Parquin).  This film is written by Mike Rich, and is 136 minutes long.

This movie is about Jamal Wallace, who loves to play basketball and write.  He is intelligent when it comes to tests, but his grades are low to keep up his reputation with his friends.  Jamal gets accepted into a new school where he meets a girl named Claire.  Throughout the movie Jamal meets William Forrester and they become like family while William helps Jamal improve his writing talents.  He also is introduced to his teacher Mr.Crawford who put him through many challenges that Jamal overcomes in the movie.

Finding Forrester reminds me a lot like the film The Blind Side.  It reminds me of this because in The Blind Side, the main character is treated differently because he’s black, does really well in school and loves to play football.  Although in Finding Forrester the sport is really the only difference, instead of football its basketball.  The storylines are relatively the same, and as a fan of The Blind Side I could really understand the point this movie was making and made it that much more better of a movie to me.

The good qualities about this film that I enjoyed was the music/soundtrack and the acting.  I found that Sean Connery and Rob Brown did an excellent job in their acting that really allowed people to connect and understand the emotion and troubles throughout the movie.  The music in the movie was really well placed as well, there was never a song that never fit in the scene.  Music such as “Save Me” by Hanson, and “You’re So Cool” by Hans Zimmer really played well with the emotions of the scene.

    The theme is the most important part to this movie, as well as other movies but this one really stands out.  My opinion of the theme that is trying to be shown is that family is important to everyone, and even though we don’t always get along and lose family, we can make friends that in the end we treat like family.  It’s these kinds of friends that allow people to bring out the best in each other, like William and Jamal did in this movie.